If Only She Came Back
by Cat Steven
Summary: Steven dreams of meeting his mother, metaphorically and literally. Remembering Rose's room and trusting the gems, maybe he can learn a lot about her, or finally meet her – in a sense.


It was nighttime in the Temple. You could hear Amethyst snoring, Steven snoring, Pearl humming lullabies, and Garnet humming lullabies in a different tone. They never hummed loudly, just quietly so only they could hear. "Silent night, holy night, all is calm; all is bright, round yon Virgin mother and child, holy infant so tender and mild. Sleep in heavenly peace. Sleep in heavenly peace. Silent night, holy night! Shepherds quake at the sight, glories stream from heaven afar, heavenly hosts sing 'Alleluia'! Christ, the Savior is born. Christ, the Savior is born. Silent night, holy night, son of God, love's pure light. Radiant beams from Thy holy face, with the dawn of redeeming grace. Jesus, Lord, at Thy birth. Jesus, Lord, at Thy birth. Silent night, holy night, all is calm and all is bright. Round yon Virgin mother and child, holy infant so tender and mild. Sleep in heavenly peace. Sleep in heavenly peace," Garnet hummed. Pearl, as usual, was muttering her pi. "3.14159265359."

Steven was tossing around restlessly in his bed, groaning in annoyance. Faint memories of Pearl singing to him flowed in his mind. "Pearl?" he said, cranky but tired. Pearl rushed up the stairs and sat next to him. "What's wrong, Steven?" she asked. "Pearl, I can't sleep," Steven said. He blushed. "There's nothing to be embarrassed about, Steven. I can sing to you if you'd like," Pearl said to him. "You're okay with singing to 14 year olds?" Steven said. "I've had to sing to 6,000 year olds before, actually," Pearl said quite casually. She began to gently sing one of Steven's favorites, _Love Like You_ , and then he fell asleep.

 _Steven appeared in a gray, cloudy area with rose petals fluttering all around. Suddenly, he heard footsteps. "Who's there?" he asked in fear, summoning his shield. "I'm here," said a gentle, sympathetic voice. "Is that_ you _, my amazing little boy?" "Huh?" Steven said in confusion. There was a giant flash, and a tall woman with large pink hair shaped in rose curls appeared, and her large dress fluttered in the wind. "Steven?" it said. She said. "MOM?!" Steven said, with wide eyes. Rose, Steven's mother, held out her arms. Steven ran into them and Rose hugged him tightly. "I'm so proud of you, honey. You've done a lot of remarkable things even_ I _couldn't do," Rose said. "Like what?" Steven said, trying not to cry even more. "You were able to heal a corrupted gem halfway, and you helped her to go back to her crew. You even persuaded a Homeworld gem to join us," Rose said. She gave Steven a giant kiss. "We're all so proud of you, honey. It means so much to me to watch you grow every day and gain new abilities. I don't want to spoil your fun, so I'm not going to tell them to you, but you will love them." "Mom," Steven said, "I try to act like you and everybody really misses you, but it doesn't make a difference." "My dear son,_ you are your own person. _I love that you have your own beliefs and you're even half human. You're unique. You're the very first half-human half-gem to ever live." "You really think so?" "Yes, my dear. I have to go now, and you'll see me tomorrow night." Then everything went black, and Steven was shouting in fear._

"Steven? STEVEN?!" Pearl cried in alert, trying to wake him up. He was startled once he awoke. "MOM?!" he cried. Pearl suddenly looked alerted, if not surprised. "Steven?" she said, questioningly. Steven suddenly realized what he did and blushed. "Um, sorry about that…what's up?" he asked, trying to rub the sleep out of his eyes. "Are you alright?" Pearl asked in concern. She placed a palm on his shoulder. "Yeah, why?" Steven asked, staring at her blankly. Garnet suddenly walked next to him. "You were screaming Rose's name," she said. Disturbing looks filled the room. Even Amethyst came in with a nervous look. "What did you dream about?" she asked him. Steven sighed. "I don't remember," he fibbed awkwardly. "It's alright, Steven," Garnet said. Steven nodded, but slowly began to fall back asleep. Pearl tossed the covers back over him and gave him a kiss, then Garnet, and then Amethyst gave him a hug. "Let's meet in the burning room," Garnet said.

In the burning room, Amethyst and Pearl waited nervously for Garnet. Once Garnet arrived, all of the gems sat down (except the bubbled ones of course). "I'm afraid Steven blames himself about Rose," Garnet said in a soft, whispery voice. Pearl and Amethyst looked up in surprise. "What?!" Amethyst exclaimed. "He didn't decide to take Rose away…Rose wanted to grant him life, so that's what happened, right?" "Well, yes," said Garnet. "But he's been really depressed lately, if you noticed." "Why didn't he say anything?" Pearl said. "You know when people are depressed they try to hide it," Amethyst declared with a roll of her eyes. "Even you did once." "Usually Steven comes to one of us," Garnet said. "It is, after all, very unusual of him." "What could we do?" Pearl said gently. "Just wait and see," Garnet said. "I see why he blames himself," Amethyst said. "We all do," Garnet said softly. "All we can do is give him time, space, and love."

"Steven keeps a diary in his drawer," Amethyst said. "I can shapeshift my finger into a key and unlock it, no biggie, and it'll be easy. That way we can read his thoughts." "I wouldn't want to invade his privacy," Pearl said. Garnet said nothing. "Plus, how do we know if he writes in it recently?" Pearl asked. "Trust me," said Amethyst. "He writes in it every _second_ of the day." She exited the burning room, ran up to Steven's room, snatched his diary, and came back inside the burning room. She shapeshifted her finger into a key, unlocked the diary, made her finger regular again, and flipped to the bookmarked page. "Guys, look," Amethyst said. She'd found the date of that day, and Pearl hoarsely read out loud that day's entry.

 _2:03 am_

 _I had the strangest dream ever. I dreamed that Mom visited me in her room, or some other place. It was strange but amazing. It was so…surreal but realistic. I actually got to meet Mom. The last thing she told me was: "Goodnight, honey, and I'll see you tomorrow night." I hope she'll tell me some stories._

 _Although meeting Mom for the first time (even in my subconscious) made me excited, a few things popped up in my head. I blame myself hugely about Mom. I just feel as if the Gems are…disappointed in me…I mean, they get sad when I can't do what she can do. I just wish I could be like her just to make the Gems happy._

 _If maybe I wasn't born, the Gems would be happy._

Nobody could take it anymore. They couldn't bear to read the rest of his entry. Pearl suddenly exited the burning room and entered her own room. Amethyst suddenly did the same. Garnet picked up the fallen journal and flipped to the page with the very powerful entry. "Oh, Steven," she said in a hoarse voice, and clutched the journal close to her chest.


End file.
